Now that Halloween is just around the corner it’s time for the onslaught of overpriced Haunted Houses. Okay, let’s just say I wanted to even think about paying $20 to go to one of these s**tholes people claim to be entertainment, what would I look for? Well, here’s a list of things to look for when heading out to the local spook house.
1. Venue - When going to a haunted house make sure that it’s set up in a creepy location. If it’s set up at a strip mall, chances are it’s not going to be very good. Look for an abandoned warehouse or old building. These places are not only prime locations for haunted houses, you might accidentally go to a place that’s just an actual abandoned building and run into some homeless people or drug dealers and then your evening will go from fake scary to real scary rather quickly.
2. Patrons – Identify who is attending the haunted house near you. If the average age of attendees is 13, you probably aren’t going to enjoy the evening and you may even get arrested by cops for hitting on minors. If the line outside of the haunted house looks like it’s full of transients and crack whores that’s the place you want to go.
3. Name - The name of a haunted house can pretty much tell you everything you need to know. Let’s say you see an add for one named, “Holly’s House of Horror” it’s probably just some soccer mom who’s converted her garage to a spook house. Now on the other hand a place like, “Planned Parenthood” is guaranteed to scare the crap out of you.
Okay folks, there’s my guidelines. Now go out there and have fun and get scared out of your minds.
