A Fatal Halloween

Mmm, yummy.

Well, just in time for Halloween this year stories are turning up all over the web about Chinese candy that has made it to the U.S. tainted with melamine.  This makes me think about all those years I thought my parents were stupid for making wait to eat my candy until they checked it.  Now I’m realizing that there are about a million different ways tainted candy could make it into my home.  So, I’ve devised a series of checks that you should make to avoid eating tainted Chinese candy.

1.  Packaging Check -  Read the packaging before putting anything in your mouth.  For years this check has helped us avoid eating those little gel packs that come with shoes and other things.  Now this same check can keep you from eating poison Chinese candy.  If you read the label and can’t understand it, DON”T EAT IT.

2.  Smell Check – Smell it, before you eat it.  If something smells like crap, it probably tastes like crap.  That’s a rule we’ve been taught for years.  If you’re candy smells like bleach, it’s probably not edible.  In fact, if it smells like bleach and the wrapper is open, definitely keep it out of your mouth.

3.  Chinese Person Check – If you receive the cany from a Chinese person, maybe it would be a good idea not to eat it.  I don’t mean to racially stereotype, but just to be safe don’t go trick or treating in a Chinese neighborhood.  Go to a Korean, or Japanese neighborhood instead.  There candy is safe.  And if can’t tell the difference between a Chinese, Japanese, or Korean person that means you are a racist and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Well, those are three tips that should keep you safe this Halloween season.  Be sure to catch my post about great Halloween pranks, coming up later this month.

About

Spencer King is quickly becoming one of the most exciting comedians to watch. His insights to everything from penguins to marriage make him a can't-miss favorite at comedy clubs across the country. He has been featured in various comedy festivals across the country including, The Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival. His comedy has been described as 'pleasantly irreverent' and he's sure to make you smile. In fact, his new album 'Pleasantly Irreverent' is available for purchase on this very site!