Yeah, I’d probably eat that.

I just read an article on the British publication, The Sun’s website about a festival in Peru where they serve up fried cats.  Apparently eating the crispy kitties is supposed to help bronchitis and serve as an aphrodesiac. While I don’t condone eating kittens, and I probably wouldn’t eat someone’s pet, (unless they made me angry and then I’d probably grill it) I can understand how we often view another cultures traditions as bizarre because we’re not used to what they are doing.

Now having said that, there are some animals that aren’t traditionally eaten that I would love to try.  And since I’m a comedian and can make this kinda funny, I’m going to list my top 10 animals that I would love to eat if it weren’t considered weird or illegal.

Spencer’s Top 10 List of animals he would eat if it weren’t considered weird or illegal

#10.  Goldfish

There’s just something about their big old eyes that make me think, “What are you looking at?  I’ll bet you wouldn’t look at me that way if you knew I was about to eat you.”  I can imagine that deep frying them after rolling them around in some batter would be pretty tasty.  Of course you’d have to also give them a little splash of lemon as well.

#9.  Ants

Now the main problem with ants is that they can bite you back.  Also, it’s really hard to get enough together so that when you eat them it’s satisfying.  Be sure to chew really well though.  If you forget one it could bite your esophagus on the way down or even start to crawl back out.  Nothing could be more embarrassing than talking to someone and having an ant crawl out of your mouth.

#8.  African Pygmy Hedgehogs

That’s right Sonic.  Time for you to get in my belly.  The trick to eating a hedgehog is making sure that you cook it long enough so that the quills come off really easy.  I’m sure the tender parts on the belly side would be an excellent experience for your pallet.  Also, a hedgehog comes with the added bonus of coming with it’s own set of toothpicks.

#7.  Llamas

If cows are tasty then llamas must be heavenly.  I’d love to bite into a nice hunk of tough neck meat.  Of course, llamas do tend to be stinky but I’m not sure if that would translate over into the taste of their meat.  Also, if we could eat llamas the movie “Napolean Dynamite” would have been just a little more interesting.  “Tina you fat lard, come and be our dinner!”

#6.  Baby Deer

I know it’s horrible, but if we can eat baby cows there shouldn’t be anything wrong with munching on a little bit of Bambi.

#5.  Piranhas

Actually, I have eaten piranha and I have to say it’s one of the boniest fish I’ve ever eaten.  I just get a satisfaction out of eating something that could have well been eating me a moment or two before.  Speaking of which, that brings us to our next guy.

#4.  Lions

People should be able to show those guys that they are the top of the food chain.  Besides, I’ll bet if you eat a lion it makes you stronger.

#3.  Bald Eagles

Now before you run me out of the country just hear me out.  If it was up to Ben Franklin the national bird would have been a turkey.  That means on Thanksgiving we’d probably be eating bald eagles instead.  Mmm, pass that gravy would you, Grandma.

#2.  Humans

I’m just here to say that if I’m ever in a situation where I need to eat another human being to survive, I’m not not going to have a problem with that.  Me and my friend Dan Cummins would be going to town on any available human flesh.  Just add a bit of Mrs. Dash and it makes anything good.

#1.  Pandas

I’ve always wanted to eat panda meat ever since I saw a Panda Express.  I know they’re endangered, but maybe if we ate them we would breed more of them.  Plus I think it would be hard to one-up someone who started a conversation by saying, “So, I ate a panda today.”

Tagged as: ants, cannibal, cannibalism, deer, eat, food, goldfish, hedgehog, llama, panda, pets, piranha