Football for the Birds

So, now we’re down to just four teams remaining in this year’s NFL season.  So what can we expect in this weekend’s conference championship games?  Well, to answer that we need to analyze the teams.

The NFC matchup features two bird teams.  The Eagles are coming in to this game defying the odds and proving to everyone that benching a quarterback for part of a game is just what they need to turn around a season.  Since that moment Donovan McNabb took the field after his subsequent benching the Eagles have rallied back and are now on the verge of going to the Super Bowl.  The Cardinals are one of the hottest teams right now thanks to the veteran leadership (old age) of Kurt Warner and his air assault.

I like to pit the two mascots against each other as an indication of how the team will do.  In this case the eagle would easily kill a cardinal so you have to go with the Eagles.  Heres what to expect during this game:

1. Donovan McNabb hurls Campbell’s Chunky Soup all over the field after running for a five yard gain and sliding to avoid a hit.

2. Kurt Warner has to leave briefly during the third quarter to change his adult diaper.

3. Andy Reid starts hitting children who want to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas.

Result: Eagles win, 35 – 24

The AFC matchup features another bird team, the Ravens, up against a tough Steelers defense.  Judging by the mascots in this one I’d have to go with a steeler which I guess is a tough steel mill worker who would probably just hit a raven with a steel rod and kill it pretty efficiently.  Unless the steeler worked in one of those gay steel mills and didn’t believe in killing animals, at which point the raven would pull an Alfred Hitchcock and peck out the steeler’s eyes.  Here’s what to expect in this game:

1. Edgar Allan Poe rises from the grave to cheer on the Ravens

2. Ben Roethlisberger gives Joe Flacco a little rookie initiation wedgie during the pregame warm-up.

3. It snows so hard in Pittsburgh that Andy Reid makes a cameo appearance being pulled in a sleigh by eight tiny reindeer.

Result:  Steelers win, 24 – 10

About

Spencer King is quickly becoming one of the most exciting comedians to watch. His insights to everything from penguins to marriage make him a can't-miss favorite at comedy clubs across the country. He has been featured in various comedy festivals across the country including, The Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival. His comedy has been described as 'pleasantly irreverent' and he's sure to make you smile. In fact, his new album 'Pleasantly Irreverent' is available for purchase on this very site!