What to do with Gitmo detainees?

I’m sure there are a lot of people who are happy that the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is going to be shutting it’s doors. I’m sure that a lot of you feel like this announcement means that Barack Obama is going to deliver on all his promises. Well good for you. I just have one question for you: What are we going to do with all those detainees?

People need to understand that we’re not just letting these people go. We are moving them somewhere. The problem is, nobody really knows exactly where. I have consulted my various other personalities and we have come up with a few ideas that, not only solve the problem of what to do with the detainees, make it entertaining while being done.

Since reality TV is still around why not take make the Gitmo transfer a reality show? There are a few different ways this could be done:

#1 Dancing with Ashar

The detainees team up with professional dancers in a no-holds-barred dance competition. The winner gets a free pass to go back to the Middle East and the losers are tried and executed for their terrorist crimes. It’s a win win situation.

#2 So You Think You Can Swim?

This would be by far the easiest way to not only have an entertaining reality show, but also a great way to cull down the 240 or so detainees to a mere 10 or 15. The show would involve the entire group of detainees starting out for a swim from Cuba to Florida. Those who make it will win a special dinner with a supermodel of their choice, and then be tried for their terrorist crimes and executed.

#3 Are You Smarter Than a Redneck With a Rifle?

This option would satisfy the Right Wing’s desire for retaliation of those terror suspects while still giving them a sporting chance. The detainees are released onto a 100 acre parcel of land and have to survive for a week while a group of crazy militia rednecks try to hunt them down. If they survive, they get a trial and are then subsequently executed for their terrorist acts.

I think these ideas should really gain some public support.  Let us hope that by the end of the year we have a few shows that take advantage of these ideas.  If we can’t keep these guys locked up in Cuba we should at least get some kind of entertainment value out of them, right?

About

Spencer King is quickly becoming one of the most exciting comedians to watch. His insights to everything from penguins to marriage make him a can't-miss favorite at comedy clubs across the country. He has been featured in various comedy festivals across the country including, The Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival. His comedy has been described as 'pleasantly irreverent' and he's sure to make you smile. In fact, his new album 'Pleasantly Irreverent' is available for purchase on this very site!