Today is April 1st which, as you all know, is April Fools’ Day. What exactly is an April Fool? To me it is someone who tries to pull the perfect prank but ends up either arrested, maimed, or dead. That’s why, as a public service, I’ve compiled a list of 10 pranks that will get you either arrested, maimed, or killed.
Spencer’s Top Ten List of April Fool’s Pranks That Will Leave You Arrested, Maimed, or Killed
10. Tell your mother-in-law that your wife is pregnant with her first grandchild
When your mother-in-law finds out that you’re joking with her, she’ll do one of two things: Have a stroke, or rip off your cajones. Either way she’ll never see her grandkids.
9. Pretend to rob a bank
This will undoubtedly end in a blood bath as the swat team or off duty police officer at the bank riddle your body with a barrage of hollow point bullets that render your corpse nearly unrecognizable. Not good.
8. Tell your wife you’ve had an affair
The problem with this joke is it always reveals some bad info about your marriage that you weren’t aware of. Example: “Well now I don’t feel guilty about sleeping with your brother!” Divorce is expensive.
7. Put a wild animal in your roommate’s bedroom.
Remember, wild animals are called ‘wild’ for a reason. You’d be surprised at how much damage a frightened squirrel or raccoon can do to a room or an exposed sleeping face.
6. Use the word “bomb” anywhere near a plane or airport
I’ve never been tasered, but this seems to be a great way to experience it. Also, you don’t want to distract the secret air marshall away from the guy who really has a bomb on the plane.
5. Laxative in any form of food meant for your friends
You’ll always make the mistake of eating some of that food and therefore spend a pleasant evening sitting on the toilet with a bucket in your lap.
4. Tell your friends and family you have cancer
This old trick is never funny, and it also ruins it for when you actually do get cancer. “You have cancer? Not falling for that one again.”
3. Text your girlfriend or boyfriend that you recently found out you have an STD
Chances are they’ll snap and try to kill you. Or they’ll text you back saying you probably got it from them. Looks like the joke’s on you!
2. Tell your kid that they’re really adopted
This is my personal favorite, but we already have enough kids who listen to crappy emo music, so why add to that?
1. Have the word “assassinate” anywhere close to the word “president”
The FBI will find you and you will disappear. For the record, I love the President. Hear that, FBI? I love him!
So there you have it. Have a fun and safe April Fools’ Day.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Second April Fool’s day on my mission I needed to call the mission home to update the Mission President’s wife on a doctor visit I had. I told her I had mono, and that I caught it from a girl I’d been dating in my area. She was trying really hard not to sound horrified. Then I asked her what the date was, and she figured it out.