Shamu the Diva

I coulda been a contender.

I recently visited Sea World in Orlando on a family vacation.  I had a pretty good time and I was excited to see all the different animals.  I was disappointed in one thing:  Shamu.  Now, as you all know Shamu is the face of the Sea World family and is the one thing that everyone “has to see” when they go to Sea World.  I was disappointed to find out that Shamu has let himself go apparently.  During the orca show, which is entitled “Believe,” there were various orcas performing their neat little tricks but no sign of Shamu.  Finally Shamu emerges from his private “backstage” pool area and… he’s FAT!  He was so big that he couldn’t even do any jumps.  He just swam around splashing the audience with his tail until he finally slid onto the front part of the pool and sat there like a blob.

I’m not one to complain, but here I am, at Sea World, and Shamu only does a cameo in the orca show?  That’s bull crap, man!  Shamu is like the Marlon Brando of the whales.  Seriously, what are they feeding him, other orcas?  It looked like he’s on a solid diet of pure blubber.  Honestly, I think it’s gotten to the point that Shamu won’t do any hard tricks because he know he doesn’t have to.  The trainers are like, “Hey, do a jump.” Then Shamu says, “Nah.” Then the trainer goes, “C’mon, we’ll give you some fish.”  To which Shamu responds, “Really, fish?  I get fish every day.  Why don’t you come back with a baby and maybe we’ll talk.”

Sometimes I wonder if maybe he’s getting tired of doing the show three times a day.  I’d like to be at the one show where he finally snaps and eats a trainer.  I’ve always wondered if they would ever commit suicide from being so tired of doing stupid tricks.  I guess the only way to do it would be for him to hurl himself out of the pool and into the crowd.  He’d probably take a good 50 people out that way.  Meanwhile, people in the higher seats would be like, “See Honey, that’s why we didn’t sit in the splash zone.”

About

Spencer King is quickly becoming one of the most exciting comedians to watch. His insights to everything from penguins to marriage make him a can't-miss favorite at comedy clubs across the country. He has been featured in various comedy festivals across the country including, The Seattle International Comedy Competition, and the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival. His comedy has been described as 'pleasantly irreverent' and he's sure to make you smile. In fact, his new album 'Pleasantly Irreverent' is available for purchase on this very site!