You got knocked the f**k out!

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE college football?  I love it, love it, love it!  That’s why I get upset when something happens to make the game look bad.  Already the first week into the season we already have a disappointing incident.  At the end of the Oregon v. Boise St. game one of the Oregon players decided that he would take out his frustration about losing on one of the Boise St. players by cold cocking him in the face!  Now granted it was a pretty sweet punch, it should not have happened and I think those involved should be ashamed of themselves.

This COULD be a bad thing for Oregon, but I think that will depend on how Oregon spins this story.  That’s why I’ve come up with some new slogans for Oregon football:

- Oregon Football: If we don’t beat you on the field, we sure as hell will beat you off of it.

- Oregon Football: Making up for our uniforms by knocking people the f**k out!!

- Oregon Football: Hey! Remember that Michael Vick guy? Talk about him some more.

- Oregon Football: Putting the WHACK! on the WAC!

- Oregon Football: I break your face, bitch!!

- Oregon Football: Don’t f**k with the Duck!

- Oregon Football: Remember that pregnant man? That was worse.

- Oregon Football: How did that guy get into one of our uniforms?

- Oregon Football: Yeah, we got nothin’.

What do you think?  Any good?  Let me know which ones you liked and what other slogans might work.  I love to see the season started of with a bang, or a punch to the face.

Oregon Player Blount Punches Boise St. Player In Face – Watch more Funny Videos

Oregon Ducks LeGarrette Blount Punches Boise Player In The Face – Watch more Funny Videos

I'M CRAAAZY!

So, some people don’t like Mother’s Day.  They either don’t have children or feel like they aren’t good moms.  To help out those mothers I’ve decided to make a list of mothers who are a lot worse than you.  And now:  Spencer’s List of 5 Horrible Moms

Nadya Suleman

Known to most as the ‘Octomom’ Nadya is considered a horrible mother by many.  She already had six young children that she was raising herself and then she decided to have at more, at the same time.  She sealed her bad motherhood status by appearing on talk shows and revealing just how crazy she really is.  Hopefully somebody is going to help her raise those kids.

Casey Anthony

First she didn’t report her missing daughter for over a month and now she’s being charged with her murder.  She says she’s innocent but I’m pretty sure she’s just a horrible mom.

Patsy Ramsey

She knows what happened to her daughter but just didn’t want to be held responsible.  Plus she put her daughter in a baby beauty pageant and that is ridiculous.  Shame on her.

Dina Lohan

They say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  If Lindsay is the apple then her mom must be one messed up tree.  I’m sure that Lindsay’s core values were learned from her mother.  Way to go.

Britney Spears

Even though she has been getting better, I think she makes the list for going out an partying while having two young children.  Plus, it doesn’t help that Kevin Federline was considered a more capable parent.

Well, there you have it folks.  Have a great Mother’s Day.

Big Budah

Well, I got up at 4:45 this morning to do a spot on a local morning show to highlight “The Night of Fools” which will help the Utah Food Bank.  I didn’t realize how tired I was till I watched the clip later and realized that I had no energy at all during this segment.  Also, I don’t get on TV all that much so I’m not used to it.  Well, here it is in case you missed it.

Hope you like it.

Here’s the scoop.  My new album, “Pleasantly Irreverent,” is ready to go digitally.  What this means is that I can sell a downloadable copy on my website and make money from it.  In order to get physical CD’s made I’m going to need about $2000 for the printing and CD duplication.  This is where you come in.  What I’m offering is an Associate Producer credit to the first 200 people who buy a digital copy of the album.  What this means is that, on the physical CD, I’ll have a section that credits all those people who help me pay to get the CD made up.  Also, they would get a free copy of the physical CD itself which will include a few bonus tracks and some other good stuff that will be a surprise. (Not a computer virus)

Buy the album here!

I’ve also included a donation button if you happen to be feeling extra generous and would like to be a bigger Associate Producer than the other people.  This is a unique opportunity for you to help me get the word out.

Thanks to all those who are going to buy this album.  Did I mention it’s pretty damn funny?

So this past weekend I was able to record a CD that I think I’m pretty proud of.  Here’s the album cover:

I hope you like this.  Let me know what you think.

So, tonight is the Oscars and people will be focusing on movies that nobody has seen and stroking each other’s already huge egos.  And I’ll be tuning in along with everyone else.  But that’s not the focus of this post.  In this post I will focus on a subject that I address in my act.  As most of you know, my high school mascot was a hippo.  I often try to explain to people that hippos are incredibly dangerous and are one of the only animals that can’t be trained to be in movies.  Then I realize that I’ve never watched a movie and thought, “You know what this movie needs? Hippos!”

Having said that, I took some time last night to think about a few movies that would have been better with hippos in them. I’ve narrowed those movies to five gems.  And now, here is:  Spencer’s list of 5 movies that would have been better with hippos and that all, oddly enough, star Tom Hanks.

#5:  Big

The classic tale of a boy who just wanted to be big and woke up one morning to find, he was big.  Since we’re working with such a believable premise already I don’t think there would be a problem in adding the minor detail of him not only turning big, but becoming a hippo.  Hippos are big by nature and that would work great with the premise.  Of course, then you’d have no reason to have Tom Hanks in the movie.  We can’t have that, so how about instead of dancing on a giant keyboard with his boss he played a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos with him instead?

#4: Saving Private Ryan

Who wouldn’t love a random scene in the movie where an escaped hippo from a local zoo came and trampled some German soldiers?  Or it could have been a twist that ‘Private Ryan’ wasn’t a soldier at all, but a hippo that somehow got lost behind enemy lines.

#3:  The Burbs

There are probably a lot of you that don’t remember this movie, but it’s a classic.  Now imagine that the murderous family next door wasn’t just killing people.  Instead, they were feeding them to a giant monster hippo that they have concealed in the basement.  Now that’s a kick ass movie!

#2:  Forrest Gump

Considering all the things that Forrest was able to do in the movie, and the number of other ridiculous things he did in the book by Winston Groom, I think it only logical that he become a succesful breeder of seeing eye hippos.  Also, Lt. Dan could have used a hippo to get around instead of a wheel chair.

#1:  Turner & Hooch

Hooch is a hippo.  Need I say more?

What movies do you think would have been better with hippos?

Watch my show!

So, I’m going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine named Matt Iseman.  He is a great comedian/doctor who currently is the host of Sports Soup on VS.  Not a lot of people know about this network, but it’s getting better.  Sports Soup is basically like The Soup but with sports clips.  My favorite part about the show is that they really take it to the commentators and talking heads on the different networks.  No one is safe.  You should have seen them rip on Barkley.

The clips are usually really funny and often involve people getting hit in the head or nuts.  You gotta love that.  Matt does a very good job and his delightful candor really helps you totally understand the clip.  That’s a total plug for my friend.

You should definitely check it out.

A clip from Sports Soup

As you know doubt have already heard Christian Bale went of on the DP during filming of his latest movie. I’ve heard he could be difficult and now I guess I’ve found out that it is true. I don’t think there’s any reason to snap like he did, but I know that the long hours on film sets can make your fuse a little short.

Now I’m starting to think that maybe he really did beat up on his mom and sister.

Bad Christian!

Here’s a little snippet courtesy of CNN:

Okay, this is going to be a good one.  I’m telling you that right off the bat.  I mentioned in an earlier post about a good way to use Twitter.  Here’s what can happen when you are a comedian using Twitter. (For clarity purposes what I said is in RED and what he said is in BLUE.)

Step One:  Make a tweet that you think is funny.

In my case it was this one:

Dakota Fanning is on The Tonight Show. Who is more likely to have a melt down, her or Miley Cyrus. Let the games begin.

Step Two:  Offend someone who actually decides to reply to you.

Here’s what I got from this random person:

Sad that you want people to fail by the comment you made. Or is it you want them to mirror your failure? You are not comedic!

Step Three:  Respond in a smart ass way.

thank you for the criticism. it’s a great country that i can offend you and you can state that you’re offended. I love the US

Step Four:  Think it’s over until he decides to reply AGAIN!

Wrong my good fellow, this what is wrong with America, people like you that think it is funny. Your comback was pathetic!

Step Five:  Really piss this guy off buy egging him on.

You really are hilarious my friend. Not sure why you got so mad in the first place, but it sure is fun egging you on.

You sir laid the egg! It is time to get positive and you need the challenge. America needs the ability to back to facts.

my joke is a jab at hollywood, saying that they drive people to that end. i certainly don’t wish it on either of them.

unfortunately thats the world we live in and that’s how i view it. I’m sorry that my presence on this planet offends you.

Step Six:  Go to sleep and wonder what the hell just happened.

I keep having weird experiences like this online.  When will it end?

I have no doubt that this post will make me very unpopular to a lot of the blogosphere but I really don’t care about that.  I felt like I just needed to get this out there.  Today was inauguration day and unlike many millions of people throughout the country, I was not glued to a television set watching it, tears streaming down my face.  I just saw it as a normal day being marked by the victory of a peaceful transition of power from one president to another.  Sure this event was historical, but people are acting like this one event is some kind of universal cure all, a panacea, that will rid the country and world of all its ills.

You can call me a Scrooge, or even unpatriotic, but I don’t believe that Barack Obama has done anything yet that is deserving of the hero worship he has been receiving.  He’s a good guy who wants to change things for the better and for that I applaud him.  We’ve elected him based on that message of change.  It seems that a lot of people are acting as if this change has already taken place and they are frolicking in the streets and shouting praises for a man who has yet to serve one full day in office.  Don’t you think we ought to at least wait a few months before we go declaring Barack Obama as the messiah that this country needs.  I don’t think it’s fair to put that kind of pressure on a person.  It’s hard to be scrutinized in every aspect of your life.

I’m glad that people have a brighter outlook on how things will go, but we’re still in a recession, and a war.  The magical Barack Obama fairies haven’t just taken those problems away.  We still have the same problems as yesterday, and now we have a new leader who has to deal with it while millions of people believe he can magically fix it.  The real estate market hasn’t magically been fixed.  People who have lost their homes didn’t get them back.  Last time I checked my credit card debt was still there.  What happens in a year when the recession is still around and we still have troops in Iraq?  Will people still be praising the name of Obama with tears streaming down their faces?  When the honeymoon is over will people realize that Barack Obama, as charismatic as he may be, is still just a man?  Will they be forgiving of a president who doesn’t magically fix the world in a matter of days?

Now is the time for this country to get its head out of the clouds and back to the ground.  This is where the hard work starts.  Barack knows what he’s getting into, so please, let the man do his job.