You got knocked the f**k out!

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE college football?  I love it, love it, love it!  That’s why I get upset when something happens to make the game look bad.  Already the first week into the season we already have a disappointing incident.  At the end of the Oregon v. Boise St. game one of the Oregon players decided that he would take out his frustration about losing on one of the Boise St. players by cold cocking him in the face!  Now granted it was a pretty sweet punch, it should not have happened and I think those involved should be ashamed of themselves.

This COULD be a bad thing for Oregon, but I think that will depend on how Oregon spins this story.  That’s why I’ve come up with some new slogans for Oregon football:

- Oregon Football: If we don’t beat you on the field, we sure as hell will beat you off of it.

- Oregon Football: Making up for our uniforms by knocking people the f**k out!!

- Oregon Football: Hey! Remember that Michael Vick guy? Talk about him some more.

- Oregon Football: Putting the WHACK! on the WAC!

- Oregon Football: I break your face, bitch!!

- Oregon Football: Don’t f**k with the Duck!

- Oregon Football: Remember that pregnant man? That was worse.

- Oregon Football: How did that guy get into one of our uniforms?

- Oregon Football: Yeah, we got nothin’.

What do you think?  Any good?  Let me know which ones you liked and what other slogans might work.  I love to see the season started of with a bang, or a punch to the face.

Oregon Player Blount Punches Boise St. Player In Face – Watch more Funny Videos

Oregon Ducks LeGarrette Blount Punches Boise Player In The Face – Watch more Funny Videos

It’s no secret that Shaq is probably the most dominant center in the NBA.  But you may be surprised at some of his off court antics which is why, to me, he is the coolest guy in the NBA.  Here is a list of things he has done or is doing presently that earn him this title.

He’s active on Twitter

There are quite a few celebrities that are getting on the Twitter bandwagon but none seem as excited about as much as Shaq.  He recently just learned how to upload photos to the service and has really taken advantage of it.  This has resulted in some of the following great pics.  He also has close to 200,000 followers and he enjoys hearing from most of them. If you’d like to follow him check him out @THE_REAL_SHAQ

He’s a cop

Shaq has the distinction of being an L.A. Port Reserve Officer as well as a Miami Beach Reserve Officer.  I wouldn’t want to be a perp that got on the bad side of Shaq in a CSI: Miami style interrogation.  Of course it would be awesome to see Shaq play himself as a reserve officer in an episode of that show.  This brings us to our next point.

He’s an actor

Now, I’m not saying that he’s a great actor, but he has played the lead in two movies, which is two more than I’ve been a lead in.  Even he has a sense of humor about it.  One of his recent tweets asked which of his two movies were better and then acknowledging that they both weren’t very good.  Also, he plays himself in my favorite episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Larry David trips him at a game and to make it up to him he gets shack a VHS of every Seinfeld episode for him to watch in the hospital.  Awesome.

He’s a rapper

Even though his album, Shaq Fu: The Return wasn’t a huge success I’m pretty sure it’s better than anything Joaquim Phoenix is going to put out.  You gotta respect a guy that does something just because he wants to.  When he sets his mind to something that’s what he’s going to do.

Shaq is hopefully going to be around for a good long while.  Even when his basketball career is over I’m sure he’ll move on to other projects that keep him in the public eye.  I would love to see him become an NBA analyst.  He’d be sure to have some great sound bites.  Either way, Shaq is the coolest guy in the NBA right now.  I’m looking forward to the future of Shaqfucious.

Hey Shaq, if you ever read this I just want you to know that I would love to meet you someday.  Whenever you come to play the Jazz, drop me an email and we can get together.

King of the Idiots!

Apparently even if you’re not making fun of Obama, as long as one person thinks you are, then you’re a racist.  At least that’s what Al Sharpton is trying to tell us.  A New York Post cartoon that featured a chimpanzee is being considered a racist cartoon.  I read the cartoon and didn’t think it was an attack at Obama.  I think it was an attack at all politicians in general.  But, because Al Sharpton and the “P.C. Squad” feel like it’s racist, they have to get all pissed off.  Apparently any attempt to lampoon the government under the Obama presidency is going to be labeled racist by Al Sharpton the super-idiot.

First it’s cartoonists, and then it’ll be on to comedians.  People wonder why there aren’t that many Obama jokes.  Well, the answer is simple.  People are freaked out about being labeled a racist.  And since the country is still in love with Obama, any jab or lampoon at him will undoubtedly be labelled as racist.  I love our country.

Who said Al Sharpton would be the deciding vote on what is or isn’t racist?  I didn’t agree to that.  In fact, I think he’s an idiot.  I’d also go so far as to say that he should be crowned the ‘King of The Idiots.’

Watch my show!

So, I’m going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine named Matt Iseman.  He is a great comedian/doctor who currently is the host of Sports Soup on VS.  Not a lot of people know about this network, but it’s getting better.  Sports Soup is basically like The Soup but with sports clips.  My favorite part about the show is that they really take it to the commentators and talking heads on the different networks.  No one is safe.  You should have seen them rip on Barkley.

The clips are usually really funny and often involve people getting hit in the head or nuts.  You gotta love that.  Matt does a very good job and his delightful candor really helps you totally understand the clip.  That’s a total plug for my friend.

You should definitely check it out.

A clip from Sports Soup

Check out the goatee...

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, and of course the minds of sports enthusiasts throughout the country are focused on Tampa where the Steelers somehow fenangled a win against a superior Cardinals team.  Don’t get me started on the way this game was officiated.

But that’s not what this post is about.  Before the big game, I noticed an interesting headline involving three things: a photo, a swimmer, and a bong.  Apparently an English tabloid published a photo of Michael Phelps, the record breaking swimmer, toking it up with a bong.  Now the U.S. media has gotten wind of it and they seem to be making a big deal out of this issue.  Here’s the deal:  I don’t condone the use of illegal drugs, but really?  We’re going to freak out about this guy smoking a little pot?  He’s a twenty three year old guy.  He’s made a lot of money.  I’m happy he’s smoking pot and not snorting coke.  He apologized saying, “I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment.”  Okay Michael we know you’re sorry, but really, would he really need to be apologizing like he defiled the entire sport of swimming?  I don’t think so.  We’ve all done stupid stuff in our past.  It’s a shame that he has to have his mistakes thrust into the public eye.  It’s not really any of our business.

“I’m 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me,” Phelps said. “For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public — it will not happen again.”  See that it doesn’t my friend.  And by this I mean, don’t smoke pot with a large group of people.  I’m not going to judge you for smoking pot, just be smart about it.

I can see how some parents might be upset by Michael being shown as a pot smoker.  “What if my kid smokes pot because he saw Michael Phelps doing it?”  Then you’re a horrible parent and you should have taught your kid about drugs.  Parents should be responsible for teaching their kids about this stuff.  You teach your kids and then let them make their own decisions.  Some kids are going to try pot, others aren’t.  Don’t go blaming Michael Phelps for it.

So Michael, if you read this, don’t feel too bad about what happened.  At least people can’t say that pot enhanced your swimming ability.  I’d really like to see how many calories you could put away when you have the muchies though.

So, now we’re down to just four teams remaining in this year’s NFL season.  So what can we expect in this weekend’s conference championship games?  Well, to answer that we need to analyze the teams.

The NFC matchup features two bird teams.  The Eagles are coming in to this game defying the odds and proving to everyone that benching a quarterback for part of a game is just what they need to turn around a season.  Since that moment Donovan McNabb took the field after his subsequent benching the Eagles have rallied back and are now on the verge of going to the Super Bowl.  The Cardinals are one of the hottest teams right now thanks to the veteran leadership (old age) of Kurt Warner and his air assault.

I like to pit the two mascots against each other as an indication of how the team will do.  In this case the eagle would easily kill a cardinal so you have to go with the Eagles.  Heres what to expect during this game:

1. Donovan McNabb hurls Campbell’s Chunky Soup all over the field after running for a five yard gain and sliding to avoid a hit.

2. Kurt Warner has to leave briefly during the third quarter to change his adult diaper.

3. Andy Reid starts hitting children who want to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas.

Result: Eagles win, 35 – 24

The AFC matchup features another bird team, the Ravens, up against a tough Steelers defense.  Judging by the mascots in this one I’d have to go with a steeler which I guess is a tough steel mill worker who would probably just hit a raven with a steel rod and kill it pretty efficiently.  Unless the steeler worked in one of those gay steel mills and didn’t believe in killing animals, at which point the raven would pull an Alfred Hitchcock and peck out the steeler’s eyes.  Here’s what to expect in this game:

1. Edgar Allan Poe rises from the grave to cheer on the Ravens

2. Ben Roethlisberger gives Joe Flacco a little rookie initiation wedgie during the pregame warm-up.

3. It snows so hard in Pittsburgh that Andy Reid makes a cameo appearance being pulled in a sleigh by eight tiny reindeer.

Result:  Steelers win, 24 – 10

Apparently Chris Cooley decided he needed to open himself up more to his fans. Much more. In fact, so much more that he decided his genitals should be seen by all his fans that visit his website. STORY In a story picked up by Matt Drudge, it appears that Chris unwittingly posted a photo of him in the locker room and had his little woo-hoo showing. I’m not real sure if it was little because I didn’t see it, but it’s funnier to describe it that way. He says it was an accident. I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t matter. I’m sure there are scores of scarred Chris Cooley fans out there now who, when they see him on the field, will only be able to picture Mr. Blinky. Poor Chris Cooley.

BYU 59 UCLA 0

There’s really no other way to put BYU’s decimation of UCLA on Saturday. Luckily enough, I was at the game and got to see the pillaging first hand. Maybe it was when BYU blocked UCLA’s field goal, or maybe it was when Scott Johnson hit Raymond Carter so hard he did a full flip and ended up losing the ball and coming out of the game that I started to think that a shut out was possible. Certainly, after UCLA missed a chip shot field goal to put at least 3 points on the board, I figured the football gods were smiling on BYU. Then, Max Hall ties a BYU record by throwing his seventh touchdown of the game. I’m thinking, “Is this really UCLA?” Honestly, I think it was the most complete game I’ve ever scene BYU play. Their quest is for perfection and according to the scoreboard, they may have just achieved it. Now the quest continues for the perfect season and a BCS busting ride into the post season.

All in all it was an extremely bad week for the Pac-10 with four losses coming to Mountain West teams. Maybe the BCS should look into which western conference really deserves the BCS status. #15 Arizona State loses to UNLV? How?! UCLA goes down in flames. TCU lays Stanford to waste, and Arizona can’t handle New Mexico. Needless to say that with Cal losing to Maryland, Washington going 0-3 after being trounced by Oklahoma, the Pac-10 is in a state of disarray. Their one shining hope is, of course, USC who easily handled the most overrated team in the country (in my opinion) Ohio State.

So basically we’re witnessing the fall of the Pac-10 and rise of the Mountain West. The coming weeks will bring even more surprises I’m sure.