I decided to do a sports podcast. Listen to it.

Just finished my last show of a four show road trip in Washington state. As always I tried to have a good time and have good shows. Here’s how it went.

Tuesday April 19th:

I drove 13 hours from home to Seattle, WA. It’s a long drive but I enjoy it. To help I have satellite radio and, on this trip, I debuted my 2 CDs of karaoke mp3s to sing along with while driving. I know it seems weird to most of you but I gotta do what’s necessary. During my drive a guy cut me off so I gave him the finger. He responded by flipping me off and then pointing his finger at me like it was a gun. This confused me cuz I wasn’t sure if he was implying that he’d shoot me or giving me one of those, “Good job, buddy” finger guns. Plus if he really had a gun why wouldn’t he just point the real gun at me? That would actually be somewhat terrifying. I don’t like these situations so that’s why I wish I had a Mossberg 500 Cruiser in my back seat. Someone pulls a gun I pull mine. My wife says I could just stop flipping people off, but that’s dumb.

No real show this night so I hit the open mic at Laughs in Kirkland, WA. Good to see some friends there.

Wednesday April, 20th:

It was fun driving from Seattle to Sequim. Sequim, WA is located on the Olympic peninsula which is where the Twilight series is set. I’ll tell you I don’t think some emo looking vampires would last very long around all the conservative hillbilly folk that live there. I did find a great little BBQ place in Port Gamble called Mike’s Four Star BBQ. Great food and great owners. The show was at the 7 Cedars Casino. For being in the middle of nowhere it sure was packed with aging gamblers. Unfortunately the show room wasn’t so packed. I would have liked to be a draw but old gamblers don’t seem to be my demographic. The show happened and it wasn’t terrible.

Thursday April, 21st

Drove from Sequim to Ellensburg, WA. This had to be one of the weirdest drives I’ve ever had. Let me tell you about this crazy restaurant I ate at. It’s called Fat Smitty’s Big Burger. It’s one of those side of the road places that you’d see on the Travel Channel or something. Right from the get go you can tell it’ll be interesting because they have a banner on the front that says “WAKE UP AMERICA!” As I walked in I was amazed to see that covering the ceiling and all the walls were thousands of dollar bills all tacked somewhere. Each one had writing on it and each one told a different story. The Big Burger is basically two huge cheeseburgers stacked on top of each other. I ate the whole thing. Go me.

I basically went through three completely different climates. First I went through a pine rainforest which basically is trees with moss growing on every part that’s not needles. Going over the mountains I hit snow. Then on the other side was a regular pine forest without all the moss. I took this scenic route because I wanted to see a sasquatch. I didn’t see one and that pisses me off. I did see a town that thought they were in Germany or something. Not like a town full of Nazi’s or anything, but a town that tried to build all it’s buildings like a small German village. I’ve never been to Germany but I’ll bet this little town wasn’t even close to a real German town. Show that night was at Central Washington University. This was a great show. I got to work with my buddy Brian Moote. The college kids didn’t really relate to the depression material, probably because they still have hopes and dreams that reality hasn’t crushed out of their little souls. I remember being like that. Now I’m this guy. Can you say ‘disappointment?’

Friday April 22nd:

First of two shows at Jack Didley’s in Kennewick WA. I’ve been to this club four times now and this is the first time it hasn’t been shitty weather while I was here. The hotel they keep the comics on is on a man made island on the Columbia River. Every time I tell someone where I’m staying they act like it’s the nicest hotel in town. “Ooh, you’re staying on the island.” It’s an okay hotel, but its nothing fancy. It’s basically like being in awe of a person because they bought a new Hyundai. Yeah, it’s okay, but it’s still a Hyundai. I forgot that it was Easter weekend until the show that night when only 12 people showed up. Your ego really takes a shot in the nuts when the staff is telling you things like, “Hasn’t been this slow in a long time.” The 12 people who did show up had a great time, thank you very much. So suck on that.

Saturday April 23rd:

Night number two at Jack Didley’s. What do you know, a bigger crowd! Oh, they don’t like you as much as that small crowd yesterday? Dammit! That’s always the worst when it seems like the audience is gonna be great only to find out that they don’t like you. “We wanted comedy not THIS horse shit.” That’s not an actual quote, that’s just what I’m guessing some people thought. To be fair I quit on them about the same time they quit on me. Nights like this is when I feel like it would be awesome to be a delusional comic. They think they killed no matter what happens. They are wrong a lot, but they don’t suffer the ego nut smash.

When I go to a Jazz game I try to make sure that I get great seats. Usually this means lower bowl, 20 something row. Tonight I was able to get tickets in the lower bowl, center section, 6th row. That’s what happens when the Jazz aren’t doing well and the 76ers come to town. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about FlashSeats, but that’s how I got the tickets. It’s basically a bidding system that lets season ticket holders unload the tickets they aren’t going to use. This means you can get them super cheap. It’s awesome. I don’t feel bad that the owner of the ticket has to take a hit. They’re rich and they probably don’t notice it at all.

The first thing you notice when you’re that close is that these guys are huge. That’s obvious I know, but I’m barely six feet tall so these guys dwarf me. The second thing you notice is the fact that the Jazz Dancers wear a ton of make-up. Some of them look like clowns and I’m terrified of clowns. Every time they came up the aisle throwing shirts I hid my head in my track jacket and softly cried till they went away. The third thing you notice is the fact that the Jazz actually have two mascots. The first one is, of course, the Jazz Bear. The second one is known as, Lil’ Bear. And if you’re thinking it’s a midget in a mini Jazz Bear suit, then you’re exactly right. Now, I’ve tried throughout to respect little people the best I can, but it’s really hard when they do things like this. It’s like when they play leprechauns in commercials and movies. How are we not supposed to laugh and say, “It’s a midget in a mascot outfit!” Aside from running around and creeping out children the Lil’ Bear doesn’t really do much else. I’m hoping that one day they’ll blast him out of a cannon. That would be awesome.

People bring a lot of kids to these games which can get really annoying if they are sitting by you. They get distracted easily and they’re always running around everywhere. Also, when the Jazz Dancers throw out stuff they always get it because the scary clown Jazz Dancers think these kids are cute. Granted, I’m too busy hiding in fear of the clown dancers to even have a chance at catching anything, but it’s the principle of the thing. Remember that video of the little kid running around the gym during a basketball game that gets nailed in the head with a basketball? That’s what I wish would happen at the Jazz games. At least if they’re gonna be there they can entertain me in some way.

So all in all it was a fun game. The Jazz won, which is a rarity these days, and I got to feel like a rich person for a couple of hours.

The camera on my phone sucks = no action shots

Yeah, that title isn’t a metaphor or euphemism of any kind. My cat has developed the habit of watching me in the shower. It’s a little disconcerting because I think he’s really into it. Every morning he seems to know when I will get in and he’s always there just waiting for me. He looks like he’s saying, “Okay, take off those clothes and get in.” Then while I’m showering he just stares at me like he’s thinking, “Yeah, that’s it, boy. Lather it up real good for me.” One time I looked over and he was licking himself in his fun zone. It’s creepy and I have know clue why he does it. My theory is this: I find it cute when he takes the time to groom himself. He licks his little paw and scrubs his face and licks his fur, it’s cute. Now I realize that I’ve basically been watching him take baths for over 2 years and maybe he just wants to level the playing field. “Yeah, how do you like it?! Think it’s cute when when I watch you?!”

So now there’s this awkward tension between us because I told my wife about the situation and she said, “Oh yeah, he likes to watch me in the shower too.” Excuse me? I’m pretty sure that’s inappropriate behavior on his part. So now when we are at home with just the two of us, I don’t know what to say to him. He just stands there taunting me. “Yeah, that’s right. I watch your wife shower. What are you gonna do about it?”

I don’t know what my next move should be, but I know that I’m not letting him get away with it.

Hey folks, I’ve pretty much left my website abandoned for almost a year and I finally have got around to fixing it up. Stay tuned. It should be awesome.

I’m now selling my album, “Pleasantly Irreverent” for one dollar on my website. If you haven’t got it yet, now is the time. I really just need to get my stuff out there to try and build up my fan base. Please tell your friends and let’s get this out to as many people as possible.  It’s definitely worth more than a dollar, but it doesn’t matter what the price is if nobody knows who I am.

Get the album here.

I couldn’t help but wonder what the consequences would be if Charlie Brown experienced a hard night of drinking.

Click on the image to view this cartoon.

• It’s getting better, but BYU still isn’t playing well. #
• thinks BYU is in trouble on Thurs. when they take on TCU. #
• might have just experienced one of the most surreal moments in comedic history. #
• is at church not talking to anybody. Anyone else think it’s really hard to make friends? #

• is watching the Red River Shoot-Out. Hook ‘em Horns! #
• Run Colt, Run! #
• Son of a…! Oh nevermind. Thought it was an interception. Turns out, it wasn’t. #
• A fight might break out at this game. I love it! #
• Well, i guess they call it a shoot-out for a reason. #
• @bevobeat Heck yes they than! #
• @bevobeat *can. I’m retarded #
• I think Texas might just pull this off! HA! #
• Hook ‘em horns! #
• is listening to, “Do You Believe in Gosh?” #
• Is at the stadium waiting for kickoff #
• is watching BYU play like a bunch of kindergardeners. They suck and should be ashamed of themselves. #

• is not sure he gets it. #