Maybeattitudes

Well I was sitting in church this Sunday and they started talking about the Beattitudes. You know those, "blessed are the...". So anyway, while I was sitting there I couldn't help but think about attitudes that weren't mentioned. I came up with a few of them that I thought would be pretty funny and wrote them down.

I don't know why I always think of stuff like this during church. Maybe it means I'm going to hell. Anyway, here they are: The Maybeattitudes.

"Blessed are the dumb, for they shall be put out of their misery."

"Blessed are the ugly, for they shall not be tempted to fornicate."

"Blessed are the handicapped, for they shall receive the best parking."

"Blessed are the old, for they shall be humored."

"Blessed are the bald, for they shall save money on haircuts."

"Blessed are the fat, for they shall be warmer in winter."

"Blessed are the poor and lazy, for they shall receive a welfare check."

"Blessed are the blessed, for they shall be blessed."

Well, there they are.