Late Night Philosophy

I'll have to be honest with you folks. I'm feeling very lethargic lately. I have not felt hardly any drive whatsoever for what feels like a few weeks now. Because of this everything seems to be suffering: my grades, my comedy, my writing. I haven't even been able to enjoy some of these things. I don't know where this comes from, but I'm only writing because I need to force myself.

Often, I feel like I "need" to be funny. I feel that when people know that I'm a "comedian" the expectation is that I'm this hilarious person all the time. Tonight, for example, I attended a party that my wife's lab professor was throwing for members of his lab. This a big group of scientifically minded people, which immediately makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that, they all know that I do stand-up comedy.

As I meet people I get comments like, "Oh, you're the comedian." or, "So, you're the funny guy." I really don't know how to respond to questions like this. I don't know what they expect. I often picture that in their minds I do some kind of little trick, like a monkey dancing around while a guy with a weird looking mustache cranks some kind of musical box. Then at the end of the dance I hold out my little hat and wait for the people to throw little coins inside. "Ta dah!" Here I am folks, the comedian.

It's like people asking me to tell them a joke. "You're a comedian? Well, tell us a joke." Next time someone does this I should respond with some witty cutting remark like, "You're an accountant? Well, do my taxes." This would be good because it would satisfy their desire to hear the joke as well as convey my loathing for that particular request.

Some comedians are "on" all the time. This means that no matter what the situation is, they are trying to entertain. I am definitely not one of those comedians. Some people, after they meet me, are surprised when they find out that I do comedy. I guess I don't come off as a funny person when I'm in normal situations. I really don't consider myself to be that funny. Every so often I'll come up with a really great response to something that is said during conversation, and when that happens I honestly feel very impressed with myself.

So why am I being so philosophical and boring? I don't know. It's really late and I just feel like I need to get this out. Why? Who knows. Nobody really reads my posts anyways. I get hits, but I don't think people really take the time to read the posts. Probably because most of my attempts at humor come up very short. I don't have much patience when posting a blog and so sometimes I end up writing things that I haven't fully thought out yet. This leads to trouble, and I've almost been sued because of it. (Maybe I didn't really get as close as I thought, but this guy's lawyer wanted to.)

I guess the bottom line is that I need to focus on writing about myself and my own experiences instead of trying to be funny. People would probably be more interested in what I really have to say instead of me trying to make a joke. If it turns out to be funny, it turns out that way.

Am I way off on this one? Please leave me a comment...please. (sniff, sniff)