American Idle

If you haven't been tuning in to American Idol this season, you're not missing much. Well, when I say "much" I really mean "much talent." Why, of course there are people that are decent enough to make it to Hollywood. It seems that the focus of the first few episodes of American Idol are on those who, for the lack of a better word, 'suck' at singing.

I totally get it though. The producers know exactly what America wants to see during the first few episodes. We want to see self-delusional people fail miserably. It's hysterical. Every time I see some self-delusional contestant get smacked over the head with the icy-cold Bat of Reality, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh. That's not supposed to be sarcastic either. I really laugh. I find it extremely funny. Sure, you might think it's mean, but I can't help it. It's always the same with these people. They come into the room, and #1: They look weird; #2: They act weird; and finally, #3: they sound weird. Then they sing, and it's the most hideous sound you've ever heard joined together with crazy voodoo-looking non-rhythmic dancing. These are the same people who enter the audition brimming with... well... I wouldn't call it confidence. It's more a sense of false-hope.

Then the judges tell them they are bad and the real fun starts. Step 1, Denial: The contestants can't believe that they are hearing that they are lousy. "I can't believe you would say I'm a bad singer!" Step 2, Wrath: The bleeping starts as they talk about how stupid the judges are. "Simon is an @$$#*!!" Step 3, More Denial: They talk about how they don't care what the judges think. They are still the best in the world. "I know I can sing." Uh, no. You can't.

Don't these people have friends? Because no 'friend' would tell them that they could sing. If so, those people would not be their friends. And if I were there when these so called 'friends' told them they could sing, I'd smack them upside the head.

Those 'friends' are the same people that invented those 'participation' ribbons at the school talent show. We don't want people to feel bad so we had to come up with 'Certificates of Participation.' Basically we are afraid to tell people that they suck. We shouldn't be. Denial is not a healthy thing. As Randy would say, "I know we should be supportive, but you gotta draw the line somewhere, Dog."