Spencer Speaks

Bloggy Laziness

2008-04-17T19:29:00.006-06:00

Yes, it's been a year since I've made a post. A lot has happened since then, but mostly I've just been lazy. When it comes to writing something that is entertaining, you encounter a lot of pressure. I'm a comedian, so people expect me to be funny. Sometimes I can be, but most of the time I just try to get my point across and be myself. Right now I'm sitting in a classroom waiting for my group to present our senior project. Honestly, I really don't care about it other people's projects. I just want to get mine over with.

We did a good job and you can see the finished result here:

http://www.skiutah.com/blog

Also, I'm hoping to get a job here soon. It should be an interesting summer.

American Idle

2007-01-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

If you haven't been tuning in to American Idol this season, you're not missing much. Well, when I say "much" I really mean "much talent." Why, of course there are people that are decent enough to make it to Hollywood. It seems that the focus of the first few episodes of American Idol are on those who, for the lack of a better word, 'suck' at singing.

I totally get it though. The producers know exactly what America wants to see during the first few episodes. We want to see self-delusional people fail miserably. It's hysterical. Every time I see some self-delusional contestant get smacked over the head with the icy-cold Bat of Reality, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh. That's not supposed to be sarcastic either. I really laugh. I find it extremely funny. Sure, you might think it's mean, but I can't help it. It's always the same with these people. They come into the room, and #1: They look weird; #2: They act weird; and finally, #3: they sound weird. Then they sing, and it's the most hideous sound you've ever heard joined together with crazy voodoo-looking non-rhythmic dancing. These are the same people who enter the audition brimming with... well... I wouldn't call it confidence. It's more a sense of false-hope.

Then the judges tell them they are bad and the real fun starts. Step 1, Denial: The contestants can't believe that they are hearing that they are lousy. "I can't believe you would say I'm a bad singer!" Step 2, Wrath: The bleeping starts as they talk about how stupid the judges are. "Simon is an @$$#*!!" Step 3, More Denial: They talk about how they don't care what the judges think. They are still the best in the world. "I know I can sing." Uh, no. You can't.

Don't these people have friends? Because no 'friend' would tell them that they could sing. If so, those people would not be their friends. And if I were there when these so called 'friends' told them they could sing, I'd smack them upside the head.

Those 'friends' are the same people that invented those 'participation' ribbons at the school talent show. We don't want people to feel bad so we had to come up with 'Certificates of Participation.' Basically we are afraid to tell people that they suck. We shouldn't be. Denial is not a healthy thing. As Randy would say, "I know we should be supportive, but you gotta draw the line somewhere, Dog."

Why Santa is the Creepiest Person in the World.

2006-12-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

Since it's Christmas Eve, I decided to do a post about one of the symbols of Christmas. I was thinking about some of the all time creepiest people ever and among the group of noted people such as the Burger 'King', Ronald McDonald, and Wynona Rider there is the man who we all know as 'Santa Claus'.

One night a year Santa comes into your house through your chimney, which is freaky anyway. Then he's watching us every single moment of our lives. "He sees you when your sleeping." Now if that's not a stalker, I don't know what is.

So remember that Santa is an anagram of Satan. He's evil, and he'll steal your soul, just like a clown.

2006-12-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I've been really busy. But you don't really care about that. What you care about is the question you are asking yourself right now: What could be so important that Spencer would finally blog about it?

The answer lies within the realm of the holiday known as Christmas. I have been witnessing a plague spreading throughout the land. A horrible plague that reeks havoc on those who succumb to it's power. I'm talking about the plague of...PEOPLE WHO PUT CHRISTMAS WREATHS ON THE FRONT OF THEIR CAR!!

Who thought up this great tradition. When did someone ask themselves, "Hmm. How can I take the spirit of Christmas with me everywhere I go? I know, I'll put a wreath on my car!" I can get getting excited about a holiday. I'm no scrooge, but I really think that putting a wreath on the front of your car is a tad excessive. I love Thanksgiving, but I'm not about to tie a frozen turkey to the front of my car during the month of November. I mean, if we stand by and let this take place people will be attaching more and more things to their cars for more and more holidays. On St. Patrick's Day you'll see some Irish guy driving down the road with a keg strapped to the front of his car, the tap line going right to his mouth.

Now that I'm done with that subject, it's time to move on to a different one. Yesterday, I was driving down the road and I saw a commercial truck driving on the road. Sure enough on the back of the truck it had a little sticker that said, "How's my driving?" and then listed the phone number to call. Is there anybody really calling those numbers. Has Susie the third grade tattle tale become Susan the woman who calls to complain that the truck didn't signal before making a right turn?

I'd like to call one of those numbers just to get the guy in trouble. "Yeah, I saw car number 72277865 picking up a hooker. Is that okay in your company?"

Well anyway, enough rambling for right now.

"Only In Theaters"

2006-09-20T10:46:00.000-06:00

I was watching TV yesterday, which is something I tend to do since I'm lazy and don't excercise. As I was watching a preview for a movie came on. I was engaged in the preview when all of a sudden, at the end, they made this statement: "Coming soon, only in theaters!"

Here's my question. Do we really need to put that, "Only in theaters," statement at the end of a movie trailer? I think we all know as soon as we hear that movie announcer voice that it's gonna be 'only in theaters.' When was the last time you saw a movie trailer that said, "...only in theaters, and select interstate truck stops"?

Besides, it's going to eventually come out on DVD anyway. So really they should be saying, "Coming soon to theaters, and eventually to DVD."

It's like putting a subtitle on a movie that explains the plot. It's annoying. It's insulting to my intelligence. I don't like it.

When Does It Stop?

2006-09-11T10:23:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard, a record producer in the UK is making Shaun "Diddy" Combs change his name again.

Here's the story:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/11/diddy.dispute.ap/index.html

Now in honor of Diddy's newest name change I've decided to hold a competition. What do you think his next name should be? Leave a comment letting me know.

Fun weekend ahead!

2006-09-01T10:45:00.000-06:00

I'm having a good week and am looking forward to the weekend. On Wednesday Wiseguys was able to present two shows by Frank Caliendo. You know frank from his work on Mad TV and his impressions on the NFL on Fox. He was hilarious and I had a great time.

Last night was the first night of the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off(RMLO). I finished the first night in a three way tie for 5th place, so that wasn't too bad, but there is also room for improvement. There was also an article about the Laugh Off that appeared in a weekly magazine here in Salt Lake. It featured a photo of yours truly and my friend and fellow competitor Aaron Burrell. You can read the article here:

http://www.slweekly.com/article.cfm/funnybusiness

So I have four nights and six shows left before this thing is over. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Blogging During Boring Classes

2006-08-30T10:19:00.000-06:00

I think that this semester is going to be a good blogging semester. I'll have plenty of time during classes where I can just sit here and write. Some posts might span a number of classes.

Hopefully I'm going to be able to think of interesting things to say during these classes. Boring classes have a tendency to numb my brain to the point that I don't even have coherent thoughts. Some of my thoughts become so weird that I scare myself back to reality.

Right now I'm thinking of how funny it would be if a midget dressed like a ballerina came running through the class. That would be awesome. I've always wondered why people like to watch midgets. I guess that it's because they are kind of like little kids, but not really.

Who wants a cookie?

Fleeting Moments of Comedic Brilliance

2006-08-29T12:56:00.000-06:00

Comedy is a combination of the right words or actions said or performed at the right moment that makes someone laugh. Occasionally these elements combine in a form of comedic brilliance. Today, I had one of those moments.

In my e-marketing class we were getting to know the teacher and other people in the class. While talking about companies that used solid e-marketing strategies someone mentioned Google and eBay. The teacher asked, "Did everyone hear about the Google/Ebay merger?" At that moment, I uttered the right thing at exactly the right time to make everyone in that room burst into laughter. I quickly quipped back, "Oh great, now that means they'll auction off the world."

The reaction was better than even I had expected.

I know that the hilarity of that moment probably will never be repeated again.

A Series of Humorous Images

2006-08-28T11:25:00.000-06:00

I know, it's been awhile since I've blogged. But really, who reads this stuff anyway?

If this isn't a great name for an FBI agent, I don't know what is.

Isn't that the Italian flag?

Do they really have to keep reminding us about this?

What's the funniest part about this one? That it's the wrong type of car? That the paint job is horrible? Nope, the funniest thing, is that it has Idaho plates.

I Know This Guy?

2006-05-08T12:17:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven't posted in a while. I moved from Provo to Orem, which is a big deal. It's like moving from the front of the class with all the nerds to the second row where it's a little more dangerous, but pretty much just as dorky.

Needless to say I haven't had time to blog. I can't believe that 'blog' is now a verb.

Anyway, this weekend I had a most interesting experience. Friday night, I went with my wife and in-laws to a Salt Lake Bees game(baseball). Now, the Salt Lake Bees are a AAA feeder team for the California Angels of Anaheim in Los Angeles, or whatever the hell their name is now. The Bees happened to be owned by Larry H. Miller who also owns the Utah Jazz as well as car dealerships, a race track, and some movie theaters. His adds have the slogan, "You know this guy!". No, I don't. I've never even met him. The closest I came to meeting him was the day I was on set for the movie Church Ball, and he just happened to be there as well. The only thing I know about him, is that he's rich, and socially ignorant.

That second point comes from an episode of stupidity that happened earlier this year. Brokeback Mountain was slated to play at one of his theaters in Sandy, UT. However, hours before it was to open, Larry H. pulled the plug and decided that he wasn't going to show the movie. He later stated that the cancellation had to do with what he feared as an attack on traditional families.

I don't think that taking a stand is a terrible thing. I applaud those that stand up for their beliefs, but here's the thing: Among other movies playing at the same theater while Brokeback was cancelled were the lewd, pot-smoking, comedy, Grandma's Boy, and the uber-violent and shocking, Hostel. Does anyone else see the problem with this. Hypocritical strike numbers one and two Larry.

So, anyway, back to the Bees game. During a part of the game a certain song came on over the loud speakers. It was YMCA by the Village People. Excuse me? The Village people at a Larry H. Miller owned establishment? What kind of message does that send to traditional families? Larry, hypocritical strike number three. If you're going to make a stand. Make it.

I honestly thought it was funny how a movie about two gay cowboys would destroy the traditional family, but a song about a bunch of gay guys who want to go hang out with boys at the YMCA is just good fun.

Way to go Larry, way to go.

Pics from San Francisco

2006-04-15T09:58:00.000-06:00

Here are a few pics that show the view from the Hotel Nikko in downtown SF.

As you can see it was kinda rainy that day.

As you can see here it's a very busy city. It reminded me of being in Sao Paulo again, except with more Asians. Chinatown rocks! I definitely recommend it.

An Ode to Vienna Sausages

2006-04-09T23:14:00.000-06:00

To me one of the most underrated foods that we have available to us today is Vienna sausages. I know what some of you are thinking: "Eww, those things are gross!" "I ate some and got sick one time." "What are those things even made of?"

I have to say that I love them. They are the perfect late-night-right-before-I-go-to-bed snack food. They are soft and pink, like little squishy fingers. They don't taste like fingers though. They really don't taste like anything that I can describe. Then again, I've never tasted fingers, so they could in all actuality taste just like fingers.

My favorite part about the Vienna sausage is the mystery. We don't know exactly what it's made of. It says on the can that it's made with chicken, beef, and pork, but they don't say what parts. I get a thrill each time I bite into a Vienna sausage and think to myself that I just could have eaten a chicken's foot mixed in with a cow's rectum and pig's tonsils. The possibilities are endless!

But seriously, why would you eat one type of meat, when you can have multiple types of meat together in perfect heart-stopping harmony? The Vienna sausage ranks right up there with bologna.

Mmmmmm.

And now a haiku about Vienna Sausages:

Soft and pink are we
Made of various weird parts
Ignorance is bliss!

Thank you.

Put Flowers in My Hair

2006-04-03T22:12:00.000-06:00

This post is coming straight (yes straight) from San Francisco, home of Alcatraz, The Golden Gate Bridge, and Riceroni none of which, oddly enough, is on my to do list. Since I'm leaving tomorrow, I've done about everything I'm going to do.

I did hit Pier 39, Chinatown, and the BART, so it wasn't a total waste of my time. What am I doing here you might ask? Well, my lovely wife was lucky enough to have an Experimental Biology conference from Saturday to Tuesday. So, since she would have her own hotel room anyway, I decided to tag along.

We are staying in the Hotel Nikko, which is a Japanese themed hotel in the heart of downtown SF. We are a block away from the cable cars, Union Square, and a ton of other cool stuff. The Asian influence is great here, but that is one of the things that makes this part of town so interesting.

I have to say that I have been pleasantly surprised with SF. There is a ton of stuff to do here. I didn't even get half of what I wanted to do done. I did get to get a little Buddha statue from Chinatown. He looks so fat and happy. It's wonderful. We also went to the aquarium at Pier 39 and saw some sharks and things. They had these weird rock fish, that just sit around and look like they're dead. Weird.

In Chinatown we did some shopping and had a lady on a street basically take us from the street all the way to a table in a Chinese restaurant where we ate. She was very excited when she talked to us, so we figured that the food was probably good. It was, fortunately. And of course, the fortune cookie was positive. Big surprise there.

The BART is the Bay Area Rapid Transit which is a rail system that runs through the greater SF area. Today I went to visit my cousin who lives in Pleasant Hill, which is not too far from SF. The BART actually runs all the way out there and the station here is located a block from the hotel. I was reminded of being on the metro system in Sao Paulo.

So tomorrow I'll be flying back to SLC. It's been a fun trip.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

2006-03-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

So, for some reason last week in my audio class, we got into a discussion about the old Disney movie, "The Song of the South." You might remember that movie to be the origin of that infectious little song, 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.' Well, anyway, we were talking about how it isn't produced in on DVD in the United States because it contained a number of racist themes. I wanted to find out for myself, so I obtained a rare copy of it and watched it this weekend, and I have concluded that Disney doesn't produce it on DVD because...well...it sucks.

This has to be one of the worst Disney movies ever made. It was made as the first in a series of live action/animation movies. As a matter of fact, James Baskett, the actor who played 'Uncle Remus', was the first live actor that Disney ever cast. This is what it says on the IMDB:

His portrayal of Uncle Remus in "Song of the South" was the crowning achievement of his career, for which he won an honorary Academy Award. Ironically, his performance cannot be seen in the United States as Wat Disney Co. will not release the film on the home video market due to the controversial nature of the film, which was denounced as racist by the NAACP when it was premiered in 1946. a further irony is that the NAACP currently has no public stance on the film.

I found this to be interesting since they have a public stance on pretty much everything else.

I didn't find the film to be blatantly racist at all. I did find it odd that the "slaves" were portrayed as very happy people. I also thought it odd that a group of "slaves" singing a black spiritual were obviously dubbed over with a white choir. Anyway, back to my point about it just being a crappy movie.

It was made in 1946 when Disney first developed the technology to have live actors be on screen with animated characters. Obviously, Disney decided that instead of waiting for a decent script or interesting story, they would grab the first thing they could think of that showcased this new technology. It happened to be this story about an old black man who told stories about a rabbit and a fox. Disney thought, "That's great because we can animate the rabbit and the fox and the other stuff can be real!"

Well, the project was green-lit and "Song of the South" was produced. Besides "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" there is really no other redeeming quality in this movie. However, the young actor who plays the lead boy, Johnny. He had a screwed up life. His name was Bobby Driscoll and well, this is what it says on the ole IMDB:

Bobby Driscoll's life was a short and sad story. Charming as a child actor, he made his mark in films like Song of the South (1946) and Treasure Island (1950). Unfortunately, as he got older and acting offers became fewer, he got involved with hard drugs, which ultimately ruined his health and reduced him to poverty. Years of drug abuse severely weakened his heart, and he died of a heart attack alone in a vacant building in New York.

Now that is sad.

So, afterwards, Disney went and conquered the live action/animation genre with much better films like, "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", "Mary Poppins", and who can forget, "Pete's Dragon."

So most likely we won't ever see a DVD release of "Song of the South" but if you ever do get to watch it, just remember one thing: In 1946, Disney was still learning to make timeless movies.

Late Night Philosophy

2006-03-25T00:59:00.000-07:00

I'll have to be honest with you folks. I'm feeling very lethargic lately. I have not felt hardly any drive whatsoever for what feels like a few weeks now. Because of this everything seems to be suffering: my grades, my comedy, my writing. I haven't even been able to enjoy some of these things. I don't know where this comes from, but I'm only writing because I need to force myself.

Often, I feel like I "need" to be funny. I feel that when people know that I'm a "comedian" the expectation is that I'm this hilarious person all the time. Tonight, for example, I attended a party that my wife's lab professor was throwing for members of his lab. This a big group of scientifically minded people, which immediately makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that, they all know that I do stand-up comedy.

As I meet people I get comments like, "Oh, you're the comedian." or, "So, you're the funny guy." I really don't know how to respond to questions like this. I don't know what they expect. I often picture that in their minds I do some kind of little trick, like a monkey dancing around while a guy with a weird looking mustache cranks some kind of musical box. Then at the end of the dance I hold out my little hat and wait for the people to throw little coins inside. "Ta dah!" Here I am folks, the comedian.

It's like people asking me to tell them a joke. "You're a comedian? Well, tell us a joke." Next time someone does this I should respond with some witty cutting remark like, "You're an accountant? Well, do my taxes." This would be good because it would satisfy their desire to hear the joke as well as convey my loathing for that particular request.

Some comedians are "on" all the time. This means that no matter what the situation is, they are trying to entertain. I am definitely not one of those comedians. Some people, after they meet me, are surprised when they find out that I do comedy. I guess I don't come off as a funny person when I'm in normal situations. I really don't consider myself to be that funny. Every so often I'll come up with a really great response to something that is said during conversation, and when that happens I honestly feel very impressed with myself.

So why am I being so philosophical and boring? I don't know. It's really late and I just feel like I need to get this out. Why? Who knows. Nobody really reads my posts anyways. I get hits, but I don't think people really take the time to read the posts. Probably because most of my attempts at humor come up very short. I don't have much patience when posting a blog and so sometimes I end up writing things that I haven't fully thought out yet. This leads to trouble, and I've almost been sued because of it. (Maybe I didn't really get as close as I thought, but this guy's lawyer wanted to.)

I guess the bottom line is that I need to focus on writing about myself and my own experiences instead of trying to be funny. People would probably be more interested in what I really have to say instead of me trying to make a joke. If it turns out to be funny, it turns out that way.

Am I way off on this one? Please leave me a comment...please. (sniff, sniff)

Don Marco

2006-03-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yet another video from Decaf Comedy Jam.

New Website Look

2006-03-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

I renovated the look of my website. I added a new intro and changed the look of the homepage. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Spencer King: Comedian

fun with the flu!

2006-03-01T15:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I have the flu. I'm not quite sure where I got it, but I have my guesses. My best guess is I got it from Floyd J. Phillips, who was sick when we went to do a gig in Grand Junction, CO. The crazy thing about the flu is that you always feel like you're freezing. I've been bundling myself up underneath a ton of blankets and then found out from my wife that it was a bad idea. As a matter of fact, my temperature went down an entire degree after I got outside of the blankets and put a cold rag on my head. So now my temperature is 101.9 degrees fahrenheit.

My wife is actually typing this for me as I sit here freezing and muttering words to her. If there's anything in this post that seems a bit off, it's probably because she took the liberty to write something that I didn't say. It is cool to have a scribe, though, because then you can just write how you think.

Now back to the flu. This couldn't have come at a worse time. I have a presentation tomorrow that I'm going to miss and I also needed to edit sound for the short film that I just got finished with. Hopefully my professor understands that I have the flu and that in the real world you don't knowingly go to any type of business meetings where you would infect *sneeze* the very same people that you're trying to sell something to.

Anyway, hopefully my wife doesn't get sick, because if I had to be her scribe, every other sentence would be something out of my own head.

So cold. So very cold.

A Clip From "Warfare", a short film I'm working on

2006-02-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Check out this scene!

cool beans.

Lottery Winners Have Instant Happiness: Or So They Think

2006-02-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

lotto, jackpot, 8, meat workers, lottery winners, powerball

So these guys win a whole lot of money for doing nothing. Instant happiness right? Isn't that why we have the lottery? The one in a million chance that we will win a whole lot of money and have happiness for the rest of our lives is a great idea, but it doesn't exist. People who earn their millions of dollars have a hard enough time handling it. Where do these people get the idea that they have the discipline?

I guarantee that in two years at least one of these people will have killed themselves. It's not that I wish it upon them, it's more that I know that I probably couldn't handle it myself.

Hopefully, I'm wrong. May the huge amount of money they've gotten for nothing not destroy their lives.

Midget Michael Jackson

2006-02-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

I about died when I saw this. Hilarious.

Cedar City for a week

2006-02-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving today to go to the Amercian College Theater Festival down in Cedar City. It should be a lot of fun. Hopefully I will have some interesting web snippets that I can post.

Be good.

Don't worry, I should have internet access down there...if they've heard of the internet that is.

Someone please explain this one to me.

2006-02-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

Check this link first, then read.

Here are my questions:

Why use that picture?

Am I supposed to be Edward Santos?

At least it's just a class project and not real. This is one of those weird ways that pics show up in other places on the net.

Weird searches

2006-02-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

Two more weird search strings that have led people to my blog:

Yahoo: paris hilton crack whore
Google: comedian abducted by aliens

What the hell do I blog about? I'm tempted to try searching for "paris hilton abducted by crack whore aliens" just to see.

HOLD ON

Nothing. Oh well. It was a good try though.