So, lately most movies I’ve seen trailers for have a little tag at the end of them that states that the film was ‘based on a true story’. Now I’m not sure about what this exactly means but I believe it means that if one line of the movie was ever uttered in real life then apparently that qualifies it to be ‘based on a true story’. This means that eventually I’ll write a screenplay that tells the story of a young comedian who defies the odds and overcomes his illness to become the most famous comedian in the world. In the movie the disease would be cancer where as in real life the disease is a cold. Becoming the most famous comedian in the world actually means that my wife knows who I am. Then I’ll be able to say it’s ‘based on a true story’.

Also if I wanted to base a movie on my experiences traveling through time and fighting cavemen and dinosaurs I could do that as well. I went to a museum once and saw dinosaur bones and wax cavemen. I threw some trash at the dinosaur skeleton and then shot a paperclip at the wax cavemen with a rubberband. Remember, this is ‘based’ on a true story.

Now it’s made me look back at some of my favorite movies that were based on true stories and learn the ‘real’ stories behind them.

Rudy – Turns out Rudy Rudiger was actually a woman who didn’t even play football. What happened was she had sex with one of the members of the practice team. And the school wasn’t Notre Dame, it was actually Sears Community College. I was very disappointed.

The Pursuit of Happyness – Turns out the main character was really a white guy who graduated from Standford with an MBA. He was married to a hot model and had three kids who all attended private school and had issues with drugs. He also never solved the Rubic’s Cube.

Battlefield Earth - Surprising this movie was fairly accurate.

So there you have it.  All you aspiring screenwriters out there just remember that you can say everything you write is based on a true story, no matter how obvious it is that it’s not.

As many of you probably guessed from all my Twitter posts and Facebook status changes I’m sick.  I get these annoying colds and they really tend to happen at inopportune times.  This week I’ll be chilling with Norm Macdonald on Friday night.  Hopefully I don’t get him sick.  Maybe he’ll see that I’m sick and be like, “Back of, Sicko!”  And I will cower in shame because one of my heroes just yelled at me.  Speaking of Heroes, I am really enjoying the new season.  My wife is totally confused by what’s happening and that is understandable since she is a woman and doesn’t understand all the little nuances of super-powers and time travel.

Anywho, back to being sick.  It started Monday night, when I felt that little prick in the throat. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)  I knew it was coming on and that it would be an annoying next couple of days.  What really bothers me about being sick is the fact that I don’t feel like doing anything.  I don’t want to write or work on the website or anything like that.  It is nice to receive all this sympathy from my wife.  It really is nice to have her get me things and be super nice.  I should be sick more often!  Not really though.

So for those of you out ther who think I’m being a wuss.  Here’s a big middle finger from me to you.  I hope you get the flu.