Well, if you’re like me and your wife went to bed at 9:45 at night on Halloween because she was mad at you for some strange reason that doesn’t seem like a big deal but apparently it is because your wife is mad and going to bed early and now you’re stuck at a computer typing, then you know how fun it can be.

Halloween is that wonderful time of year that women dress like whores and children roam the block peddling house to house for candy which they let their parents check before they eat it. Really all parents do is just take out the good candy and leave their children with those stupid styrofoam peanut things. I’m surprised more parents don’t fall ill from snatching candy out of their kids bags.

Before my wife got angry with me tonight we did get to see a theatrical rendition of the 1922 vampire classic, Nosferatu. It was frighteningly good. After that is when something happened, and my wife is now asleep and I’m out here in the living room typing. Hmm, I’ll probably have to sleep out here too. Anywho, just thought you’d like to see a photo from that theatrical production so enjoy that.

Remember folks, Halloween is scary, especially when your wife is mad.

1.  Venue -  When going to a haunted house make sure that it’s set up in a creepy location.  If it’s set up at a strip mall, chances are it’s not going to be very good.  Look for an abandoned warehouse or old building.  These places are not only prime locations for haunted houses, you might accidentally go to a place that’s just an actual abandoned building and run into some homeless people or drug dealers and then your evening will go from fake scary to real scary rather quickly.

2.  Patrons – Identify who is attending the haunted house near you.  If the average age of attendees is 13, you probably aren’t going to enjoy the evening and you may even get arrested by cops for hitting on minors.  If the line outside of the haunted house looks like it’s full of transients and crack whores that’s the place you want to go.

3.  Name - The name of a haunted house can pretty much tell you everything you need to know.  Let’s say you see an add for one named, “Holly’s House of Horror” it’s probably just some soccer mom who’s converted her garage to a spook house.  Now on the other hand a place like, “Planned Parenthood” is guaranteed to scare the crap out of you.

Okay folks, there’s my guidelines.  Now go out there and have fun and get scared out of your minds.