Yes, there a lot of people in this world that really annoy me and I figure that the best way to share my annoyance with the rest of the world is a series of open letters.  This is just the first part of the series.  Feel free to express your annoyance with those same people or even with me for being annoyed at said people.  Here we go:

People who put their bare feet on the dash in the car

Dear PWPTBFOTDITCs,

I know you think it’s comfortable to put your bare feet up there in the warm sun.  I’ll bet you feel that you have attractive feet and would like to share them with everyone else on the road.  The truth is that when I see your feet on the dash I have a deep and brooding urge to swerve over into your lane and send you careening off the road into a ditch.  I hope you hit something and the airbag deploys, sending your knees right into your dumb face.

Sincerely,

the guy in the car next to you, Spencer King

Hispanic parents who let their kids run wild at restaurants

Dear padres estupidos,

I know your 4 year old daughter is very cute.  I can see her standing next to my table looking at me.  Normally I would appreciate the cuteness, but today I was looking forward to a quiet lunch by myself. When she starts asking me questions in Spanish, and trying to give me a mashed up package of club crackers it cuts into my quiet time.  It also doesn’t help that you yell at her from across the restaurant.  Please realize that I’m a nice guy and would never hurt a child, but eventually she will go up to the wrong person and the only time I’ll see her face is on the back of a milk carton.

Su amigo,

Spencer King

Spencer Pratt

Dear Douchebag,

You and I share the same first name.  This has caused my desire to kill myself to skyrocket.  Why can’t you just be a normal person and not a douchebag.  Every time I see you on TV I hope that a bear enters the scene and takes off with your head.  I think I speak on behalf of Spencers everywhere when I say that I wish you changed your name to Osama.  Seriously, I think right now this country hates you more than him.

Up yours,

Spencer (not a douchebag) King

Al Sharpton

Dear Al,

Why do you hate white people so much?  How come when Don Imus makes a joke about “nappy-headed hoes” on the radio you make sure he’s fired, but when Jamie Foxx makes a joke about someone raping Miley Cyrus you don’t say anything?  Also, why did you tell Michael Jackson’s kids that their father was normal, when the fact that you even had to mention that means he wasn’t normal?

Please cut your nappy hair.

Yours truly,

Spencer King

Lou Dobbs

Hey Dobbs,

Why do you hate Mexicans, and black people so much?  Also, please stop talking.  Never speak again.  This would bode well for the entire country.

Your half-Mexican friend,

Spencer King

Barack Obama

Dear Mr. President,

I still haven’t gotten that money you promised me when I voted for you. I know that you’re pretty busy handing out billions of dollars to bankers and states that voted for you, but I could really use that money soon.  I see that you like being on TV.  I wish I could be on TV too. But, then again, I’m a comedian and not the President of the United States.  I entertain people which would make sense why I was on TV.  You’re the President, shouldn’t you be fixing stuff?  I’m not a money guy, so I don’t know how this works, but I’m pretty sure that the way to get out of debt isn’t by throwing more money at the problem.  And just for the record, I believe you were born in Hawaii.

Aloha,

Spencer King

There you go folks.  This is just my first batch of open letters.  More to come as the time goes by.

During this economic downturn that some have labeled a “recession” it is easy to get discouraged and feel like nothing we do will help out the situation. This is where ingenuity and good old-fashioned American gumption come in.  Because I don’t have a day job at the moment I am left with a massive amount of time that I can spend pondering solutions to the economic crisis.  I haven’t come up with a solution just yet but I have come up with five ways, which you can employ in your daily life, to help you cope with this economic downturn.

1. More earnings “under the table”

A great way to avoid paying excessive taxes on your earnings is to arrange payment in cash.  If you get paid in cash you can report less earnings when you file your taxes. (note: This is VERY illegal)

2. Cut back on fast food

We all love to eat out, but cutting back on your fast food spending can help save money.  You’d be surprised at how much food these restaurants will throw away!  Staking out  a fast food dumpster can be a cheap supply of the food you love.  Also, if you can figure out a way to work from a buffet, then you’ve got it made.

3. Rent out your house

Do you have a few extra rooms?  There are plenty of people looking for a cheap place to call home.  I know a few meth dealers who could use a new place to set up.  Also, if you rent out your room then you have a built in baby sitter!

4. Sell a child

It seems that celebrities are all about adopting kids and paying handsomely for them.  You could really do well if you can make your baby look like it comes from a different country. Celebrities love that crap.

5. Not be poor

The best way I have seen to weather an economic storm is to have a lot of money.  Usually, if you have a lot of money to begin with, you won’t notice when the middle class gets decimated.  Plus you can buy stocks and real estate at record low prices and then just wait for the market to bounce back and become even more wealthy.  That’s really the way to go.

So, what are you doing to beat the recession?  Let me know.